Ladies and gentlemen...
I stand here before you today with a story of great importance. The cold hard truth of this story should remain with you, as a part of your soul, forever. It is about a black cat. It is about a little black bird. It is about a never-ending war of massive proportions.
The story begins roughly about 7:12 am, central daylight savings time, in a sizeable cave somewhere in the panhandle of the promised land. Light is slow rising in the east. A cat’s meow is heard in the distance.
Enter a black cat, a scruffy black cat at that. He meows a few more meows as he pitter-patters toward the rising light. As he peers through the window battlefield, he becomes aware of his sidekick laying next to him. His sidekick is a big fat fluffy white cat.
The black cat turns to his faithful sidekick. He tells the plump furry beast, today is the day he will beat the enemy. The fat white cat rolls over, half meows, half squeals, and bumbles his way to another room. The black cat returns his gaze to the ever growing light and awaits his daily prey.
The time is now 8:34 am, central daylight savings time. The sun is ever climbing into the sky and more and more light is pouring through the battlefield. The black cat jerks upright, at high alert... He spies his mortal enemy, the little black bird.
The black cat meows a howling wolf-like meow. The war will begin soon.
The mortal enemy of the black cat has landed now. Perched atop a neighboring building, he gazes down through the battlefield. The little black bird grins and begins singing his morning song. He notices the black cat begin scowling with each note he sings. The little black bird is happy, another great day is ahead.
As the sun rises over the roof top, the little black bird’s shadow is cast upon the window battlefield. The black cat watches the shadow creep downwards on the window blinds ever so slowly...
The time is now 10:04 am, central daylight savings time. The attack begins...
The black cat attacks mercilessly upon the shadow of the bird. Jumping over and over upon his prey, screaming its war-meow with each failure to draw blood or feel flesh upon his teeth. The chirping of a beautiful song by the little black bird infuriates the black cat more. He unleashes all he has upon his mortal enemy.
The time is now 10:36 am, central daylight savings time. The battle draws to a close. The black cat collapses to the floor, all his energy spent during the attack. He meows the meow of defeat and gazes over the battlefield.
Another day, another battle done. The little black bird increases his win streak to 226-0. The black cat lays on the floor knowing he will have another chance tomorrow. In the meantime, he listens to the chirping laughter of the little black bird.
Written by Isaiah Nolte